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note to self and anyone else to reads this:
"a dirty job" by christopher moore is the best book i have ever read in my life. its funny, intelligent and incredibly orginal. its awesome and i love it. i would definitely refer it to anyone who likes gothic, hellish, funny ass books. yea, reading is fundamental. lol.
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Friday, February 3rd, 2006
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so..... you know you have acne when you go to get gas and the gas station attendant tries to give you advice about it in broken english...... please kill me.
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Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
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i never realized how awful people are until today. i took my highschool ring off to wash my hands and i accidentally left it by the sink in the bathroom. i came back a lil bit later realizing i left it and it was gone. i asked around and no one had turned it in to security or anything. i put up some flyers with my number but i highly doubt ill ever get it back. why would anyone want it anyway, it has my name and all this other stuff on it. its fucking christmas and someone takes my ring, the one ring i really love and meant so much to me. people are awful. im done with school and i guess im glad. but i cant stop crying. life really fucking sucks sometimes. i need to get fucked up. like right now. i need to forget.
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Monday, December 5th, 2005
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today is a day of revelation. in the ever intelligent words of katie, "guys suck". today i found out that out in more ways than one. i am under appreciated in my relationship. he let his friends disrepect the shit out of me, sat there and watched. so much more to that story but i dont want to go into any more detail. besides all that neat stuff, i found out not to trust any guy ever again. i thought i had found a good friend, but apparently he's just like every other preverted guy ive ever hung out with. im so unhappy. im just plain unhappy and i dont know how to help myself. revelation.
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Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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so yea im falling apart at the seams. im scared of myself. i look in the mirror and i hate what i see. i look into my future and its as unclear as my skin. my portfolio review is on december 14. i will know my future by then. i am terrified. i am not good.
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Thursday, October 20th, 2005
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i saw him working on a house in caldwell. i passed by and then decided to turn around and go say hi. i pulled up in front of the house, honked and waved. he didnt recognize me. i got out, walked up to him and said hey i thought that was you. the conversation was cold and awkward, i knew he didnt want to talk to me. i knew i had made a huge mistake turning around. im flipping out. seeing him opened up this floodgate of emotion, i stupidly thought it would give me closure. im crying like i did freshman year. his smile still kills me. why am i reacting like this, why am i crying for him. please help me. i dont want to feel this way. i love my boyfriend. this is such an awful feeling. the feeling i felt for 4 fucking years. why am i freaking out?! why. i called ksenia crying, i didnt know who else to call. i just need someone so bad right now. i cant talk to anyone about this other than the people who were there through all this bullshit. but those people hate me now. i hate myself for feeling this way. why does it still hurt so bad. why is his smile going to haunt me tonight like it did so many nights so long ago. please. help.
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Friday, October 14th, 2005
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i wish i had another place to vent my sorrows but i fear i do not. i feel so forgotten and unloved. why is it always me who is left out, why am i the one that no one cares to talk to anymore? lindsay has contacted everyone, even kirsten, but not me. rachel is hanging out with ksenia but not me. ksenia is hanging out with lindsay and rachel and even people she doesnt know, but will she ever call me, no. sarah, i will probably never hear from again. what did i do. i tried so hard to be the nice one. look where it got me. i am the one pushed to the back of the mind and only comes up when no one else is around. i shouldnt even care but i fucking care so much. i shed tears for people who would never shed a tear for me. its sad that all this has been said before. but in this point of my life, it hurts even more. im in such a bad place in my mind right now but no one would know that because no one knows about me. this rain has been making things even worse because it reminds me that even mother nature hates me.
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Thursday, August 18th, 2005
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no one loves me, so im writing in this fucking thing to fish for love. sigh.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, August 6th, 2005
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its 7, im home doing nothing. you know you're alone and forgotten about when you are sitting at home on your birthday watching batman, blaming him for you existence. if it wasn't for him my parents wouldnt have met and i wouldnt be alive. oh to dream. i hate birthdays, they only remember how alone i am and how no one gives a shit im on this earth.
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things have changed too much. i might not be around much longer.
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Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
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i was cleaning my room and i found all these notes from everybody from highschool and middle school. mainly from sarah. so i decided to put all the notes from sarah in an envelope and two pictures of her, one from 8th grade and one from years later. i went over to her house and rang her doorbell and gave it to her mom to give to her. no reponse from her, i doubt ill get one. she probably thinks i gave it to her as a guilt thing but thats the complete opposite. i needed to do it for me... i havent cried as much as i have today in so long. i called rachel crying just to hear her voice. i called ksenia even and left her a message. i miss everyone so much, i miss my friends so much. i cant talk about this anymore, i dont want to cry anymore. brookedale and splitz still makes me feel them.
bye.
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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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i got bored so i decided to be like everyone else and make a myspace thingy.
http://profiles.myspace.com/users/15615295
my pictures are pretty boring and ugly but yea. im going to post more sometime soon. i have no friends on it though, add me! bye.
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Friday, December 10th, 2004
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i did this in illustrator. its me obviously..... the quality is a little fucked up. it took me so long to get this in here so please comment and tell me what you think.
bye.
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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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Thursday, August 5th, 2004
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tomorrows my birthday. im about to shower and get ready to sleepover my lovies house. everyone call me and love me tomorrow. im so excited. WOOOOOO.
bye.
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i might be mistaken but from the preview i got of the senior video.... it fucking sucks.
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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
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i find it so amazing how people really dont fucking change. they say they will, they say they have and one day at a time i see those fucked up things they used to do to me just begin to resurface. i just dont fucking understand, where the fuck do you get off? whatever, i just dont care anymore, why the fuck should i care when no one else does. fuck it.
bye.
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nothing has gone on as of lately. all i do is work and go to school and occasionally hang out with people for a short period of time. usually no more than 2 or 3 hours. um they gave me longer shifts at work, so now i work 5-9:45 instead of starting at 6, so now i have to leave for work at 4, no more seeing robbie before work. poo. robbie hung out with eileen yesterday, by themselves, and it really freaked me out. i am so uncomfortable with them being alone together, but nothing happened.... i believe him, i just am so scared to lose him, its hard to trust sometimes. but anyway, im seeing him soon, he was suppose to go to easter dinner with the fam, he kinda invited me but mostly for a ride but he said that if i took him i would be forced into coming because i offered to take him, but hes not going so im going over there. um im so fucking bored. life is so fucking boring. i wanna go somewhere, i wanna do something, i yearn for new horizons. whatever, never gonna happen. life sucks.
bye.
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Thursday, April 8th, 2004
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
wildchild4's journal
depressed.
irate.